An Abstract of Her Life.

4/30/2008 12:53:00 AM, Wednesday, April 30, 2008

It's not that I want to keep things from you. It's just that I don't know how to tell you. I don't know how to break things up to u. I've been through a rough relationship and now I'm oblivious to other people's feelings. I know I let u down several times but I don't know what else to do and how else I'm suppose to handle all that. Whatever happened, happened spontaneously and obviously I acted without thinking. I dint tell you cause I know you always read my blog and that's the only way i could break it up to you. You've been a really great understanding bf, not restricting me to anything that I want to do and allowing/giving me all the choices/chances. The problem lies in me not trying to understand you, me keeping things from you. That's just me. I kept things to myself a lot. I'm not as frank/straight forward as you are.

And just now, I was having dinner with my sis at bugis and The Ex happened to be there, alone. So kakak ajak him to come over and eat with us. Would you even believe that? Everything is too coincidental to be true but it did happen.

I just broke up from a nearly 5-years relationship obviously the feelings still linger there. I tried so so so so hard to overcome that which i did manage to do that, but there will be a day you'll broke down when the emotions became too strong. I took several years to forget my first relationship although the feelings aren't that strong so it'll take me another few years to overcome this one. Ask yourself, you barely know me and your feelings for me already became so strong within a few weeks. You tried to forget me but you can't. Same goes for me. I'm not comfortable talking to you about him and my feelings cause you are my Bf. I'm sorry cause dint treat you with respect.

No, I'm not having second thoughts. And no I'm not going back to him. But should you want to take your leave now, do it by all means. I'm not going to stop you, nor am i going to beg you to stay. Cause i know sooner or later you are going to have doubts in me, in this relationship. I know I'm being insensitive but that's just me. I changed a lot after everything. I've stop hoping. I've stop caring. So now, you have to think twice before continuing our relationship. Cause i know I'm not putting my heart and soul in it. I'm through with being hurt. Through with putting high hopes in any relationship.

I need to be alone. I want to be alone. Sorry.

Labels: Life, Love, Past

4/29/2008 03:43:00 PM, Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I apologise because I've let you down once again.

To be honest, I'm still struggling but I know you will stand by me and guide me through.

Labels: Love

4/29/2008 11:42:00 AM,

The start of the day was already a rough one. and I shall/will not touch on that.

On top of that, i was late for work again. Not a good impression certainly.

Guilty-conscious.

Labels: Past

4/27/2008 04:51:00 AM, Sunday, April 27, 2008

Reading Sgsecrets is somehow depressing.
Truth hurts indeed.
But its good to know that you're not alone.
Someone, somewhere out there shares the same probs/feelings as you do.

:) Good morning world.

Labels: Random

4/26/2008 05:36:00 PM, Saturday, April 26, 2008

I gained 2kg! Argh. Fuck it.

No more oreos/chocolates/sweets/gummies/milo? :(

Labels: Random

4/26/2008 12:43:00 AM,

Dear Insecurities, please go away. Thank you.

Labels: Random

4/24/2008 10:54:00 AM, Thursday, April 24, 2008

I don't understand why I keep on getting Bfs who keep on saying that they wanna die.

I know it is just a stupid joke but i don't find it funny and its fucking irritating.

Argh. Back to work.

Labels: Life

4/23/2008 09:02:00 AM, Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Since I was late yesterday, I decided to leave home earlier today. Went out 5mins earlier and reached the office like 20mins earlier? O_o Decided to skip the morning meeting cause I don't think there's a need for me to go anyway since I'm a temp and attendance is optional.

Went to meet Bf after work yesterday to help him with his assessment thingy which is due this morning. He was looking forward for everything to end cause it marked the end of his freshie year. Freshie je b? Apa mau skola lagi? Haha. On a lighter note, he is having his 4months holiday right now. So helped him with some cuttings and stuff. Oh boy he is so messy la. Sal boleh tampal je. Taplek kang. I cant stand the way he pasted his work on his sketchbook so I offered to arrange and paste it for him while he glue the papers and pass them to me. If I'm the one who's grading him, I'm going to fail him la. Haha. Apart from that, he's like bossing me around. I cant even have my oreo break while he could have of his smoking breaks. Unfair freak. Da la suro org cut paper byk2 abe break sejap pon nak bising. To the hell with that, i'll do as i please. *grins* Haha.

ouh ouh ouh. Singapore Flyer, here i coooooooooooooooooooooome!!!!!!! erm provided my dad is kind enough to send me to collect the tickets that my mum won from the Giant lucky draw before end of this month. So i guess that will be a date with my Sis. :) How nice. Shall go shopping and makan2 since it coincide with her leave and my pay day. Woohoo!

Alright, I'm out for now. Good Morning People. :)

*edits

Bf must have been really tired. He's still sleeping eversince he got back from sch at ard 12+. Super tak baik never teman me at work today. Anw, glad that i make no mistakes in updating the accs today. That really made my day. A colleague of mine laughed at me when she saw me in the pantry stealing some sweets for myself. Another one blanja me my karipap since i was too lazy to get my ass out for lunch today. How nice. :)

40mins more to go.

Belum sempat reply da offline! Bleargh. *rolls eye*

Labels: Life, Love, Random

4/22/2008 11:01:00 AM, Tuesday, April 22, 2008

So i did satisfy my cravings for Oreo biscuits last night. Bought 1 for myself and another 1 for the siblings so that they wont kacau me when im eating my oreos. Haha.

Anw, i was late today. Went out as per normal but reached work at around 9am? Blame the weather and the slow traffic. It was really cold in the bus. I already wore my black cardigan but i took out a cream one from my bag and wear over it. hehe. super slenger but who cares it was freezing cold.
Surprisingly when i reached the office, a few of my colleagues were late too. :) Sms-ed my in-charge and turn out, she's on leave today. 0_o. tau tak msg. Gave myself away. pandai betul.

Second day of fasting. 11am n ~~im already hungry~~. Ok that is so random.

Outs.

*edits
im so freaking bored that i feel like packing my bag and go home this instance! I totally have nothing to do since 11pm till I end work. Doodled n doodled n doodled till i cannot doodle anymore. Surf, surf and surf till there's nothing to surf anymore. Asked my colleague if she need any help. She told me to help her with her filings again cause she do not have anything for me to do actually. She whispered to me "Do slowly ok and take ur time." I chuckled, took the files and walked off.

Haiya so sian. So what if the pay is worth it but you end up getting bored to death almost everyday? Since 12 March, I only remembered being busy for a pathetic 1 day? Don't even know why they needed a temp for. *slaps forehead*

Argh.

*edits
OUh ouh. Happy 20th Birthday to my dearest Gf, Nurul Bahiyah!

Rindu kau sangat sangat. Biler nak gi date ni hah hah hah?!

Labels: Random

4/21/2008 02:09:00 PM, Monday, April 21, 2008

~~Frustrated.~~

I'm having that sudden urge tao start eating chocolates again. A box of Merci would be nice. ~~or a bar of snickers~~. or tops. or those chocolates gold coins.

hmmm...

~~Oreo biscuits~~/ice blended?

:)

Labels: Random

4/20/2008 06:18:00 PM, Sunday, April 20, 2008

My Bro: Kak, ape online website msn tu? Meego ke Meebo?
Me: Huh, what?

(Mum, not knowing what we were talking about, decided to interfere)

Mum: Bukanla, tu mee poh. (chinese noodle)

*Looked at each other and burst into laughters.

Mak mak, ade ade saje.

Cream puff anyone? Yum yum.

Labels: Random

4/20/2008 01:02:00 AM,

suke eh membuli. taplek kang.

♥

Labels: Love

4/18/2008 10:33:00 AM, Friday, April 18, 2008

It's been a month plus since i've really left the past and moved on. Sadly the past is still clinging on to me. Im thankful that the present understands and made no fuss out of everything. However, how long can the present endure with everything?

The past has been really complicating. He fooled around with my feelings for too long. He is still lingering around my life, disturbing my life. He made me feel as if Im the jinx cause bad things usually happen when he met me. He made me believe that im indeed the cause of those problems. And now, the past is making me feel guilty cause he's life is not going as smoothly as mine, he can't move on without me in his life, he is too weak and he too dependent on me. That was what the past told me at 430am this morning.

He only realise that i'm the most precious thing in his life and i'm the only girl who could understand him best when i really left him for good. He is still trying to convince him that he has changed and he cant forget me no matter what. Changed? Im not sure of that. But love? I know he still loves me, a lot. But boy, its too late to realise that isnt it? Cause i've really moved on and i'm not turning back. Everyone who i talked to told me the same thing: He's not worth it.

The start of the relationship was already a rough one. And to those who knew about the past, how could i overcome all that? I am strong, really. Mentally not physically. Haha.

Just by saying I Love You is not enough in a relationship. Action speaks louder than words. Saying you love me and at the same time continuosly break my heart than whats the use? So why am i still talking about this although i've moved on? Cause the past is hard to ignore.

Bf, i know you will be reading this. Please don't start with all the Questions asking whether i want him back and all those bullshits. No more turning back. Period.

*edit
Oh Bf blew my nose (yes, from mouth blow) yesterday and my hearings instantly sounds much clearer. Hehe. Cool ape.

Labels: Past

4/16/2008 03:59:00 PM, Wednesday, April 16, 2008

So i had my 3rd cup of hot milo. *yawns*

Labels: Random

4/15/2008 10:12:00 AM, Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Sebenarnye, Mak sayang pat Taufik tu.

Mum, isn't it too late to tell me all that last night. You told me to move on and he's not worth it and all, and now close to 2months after all that had happened, you are telling me that you actually sayang him and not hate him? But Mum, thank you so much for all the care and concern that you have showered me throughout my rough times. Thank you so much for not bringing up the incident that happened on my birthday. Thank you so much for allowing me to lead my new life right now like you always do. I love you, Mum.

Although I'm still unsure of my future with him, how long we could last and such, I'm thankful that I have found someone better, someone who I can depend on when I have troubles, someone whom I'm comfortable with from the very first time I met him, someone who gives me my pillar of strength and encouragement to move on, someone who really care about me even from the beginning and someone who really loves me. Like Bf said yesterday, "We should enjoy all our moments together and let the future be." Well, I can't remember his exact but hell ya. I love him.

I am, to a certain extend, contradicting myself. I once told my sister that its stupid and foolish for people to get into a relationship with someone you barely know too soon. I remembered telling Fiza it's impossible that people can fell in love within a short period of time. And now, I'm going through all that. Yes, contradicting indeed.

On a lighter note, after 1month of working, I'm given the opportunity to do a full timers' job. Cool? Well, at least that will get my brain cracking after being dead for a month or so.

*grins*

ps: I WANT MY FRIED FISH BEE HOON! haha. oh wells, that has to wait.

Labels: Love, Past

4/14/2008 09:36:00 AM, Monday, April 14, 2008

Bf is going to nag at me again if he knows that I'm sick again. Thanks to all the junk food that we bought while "teman-ing" him to do his assignments/drawings and what have you.

*edit
There he goes with his naggings again. Haha. From the day I know you till now, you are still forcing me to eat my medicine. :P

Thursday
Wanted to buy myself a shoe but none caught my eyes. Everytime I wanted to buy one my mind will go, "Alah you can stencil that similar dzine" or "the price isnt worth for that type of design." I'm super cerewet and further more I din't want to spend too much on shoes thus I've decided to start stencilling again.

My shoes were already pending since 3 weeks back cause I was too lazy to finish it although I had plenty of free time.

These shoe designs are up for sale too. Click here for more information.

Friday & Saturday was spent with Bf. Accompanied him to finish up his school work with lots of tidbits bought from the shop near my area. We had our own small "tidbits party" which is the main reason to why I'm falling sick again. On Friday, we bought Ice blended oreo, a Big Gulp, which I mixed with the wrong flavour Haha, Gummies, Choki Choki and some "old" tidbits which you can no longer find in shops nowadays. And On Saturday, I ate 1 packet of chocolates(15 mini Tops) by myself, half a packet of sour gummies and some of Bf'a "crackers" and seaweeds. I miss being around him again. Haha. Ok I shall stop being so kental.

Now tell me who use shades at night? We do. haha.

Sunday was spent at home, clearing my wardrobe and arranging them according to colors. Too lazy to take a pic of it though cause I can foresee that the neatness will not last long. Haha.

Toodles!

Labels: Fun, Love, Random

4/10/2008 11:32:00 AM, Thursday, April 10, 2008

*smiles* Thinking back, it's interesting how love could show the dark side of a guy.

On Monday, Bf surprised me with his curly wurly hair when he fetched me from work. No wonder he went missing online for awhile. His hair is really soft, softer than mine. Bloody hell. *laughs* If there’s any part of his features that I can steal, I wanna steal his lashes and his hair. It’s no surprise if there’s people who thought I dated a lesbian. *lol* (inside joke) And I think, my bf IS turning bapok. I forgot to save our msn conversation but it went something like this:

Fuzzy wazzy: B, does my dress stink when I smoke?
Fuzzy wazzy: *breath

Upon reading that sentence, I was already laughing like hell at work. Hahaha. Dress and breath? The words are not even close. Where the toot does that dress come from? Haha bloody kelakar la sey.

BF made a surprise appearance (like manenye star je eh, haha), after work yesterday. He called me saying that he was on his way home, balek wanted to sleep and everything and tau2 je he was already at my workplace. I was already walking towards the bus stop when he called and asked me to turn around. I was grinning like hell with my busuk face. How can I not see him while I was leaving the building? *wonders*

We did the routine; dinner, lepak and home.

It has been so long since I ever felt that way. *melts*

Anyway Bf, I apologise for whatever happen last night. Please don’t have any doubts on me cause my feeling towards you is true. I’m sorry if I made you a sissy again but your tears mean A LOT to me. It helped me clear the doubts I had in our relationship. Thank you so much for understanding my situation and for not making a fuss out of everything. *hugs*

Today, I’m doing my work at a snail pace as I actually have nothing much to do aside from repacking the invoices that I once packed 4 weeks back. O_o Blame the auditors for all the mess that they have created. I should and will strike auditing out from my job profession. Even my colleagues aren’t happy with them too cause they some how disrupt their work. I’m pretty sure that auditors have a hard life working since many dislike their appearance. Gee..

Outdated pictures from Dell's Bday Celeb.

Labels: Love, Se7en

4/08/2008 12:33:00 PM, Tuesday, April 08, 2008

When the heart aches, nothing can heal it..

Labels: Past

4/08/2008 12:51:00 AM,

It's not about whether i can or can't put up with ur behaviour but its about how long I can put up with it.

Shrugs.

Labels: Love

4/07/2008 10:38:00 AM, Monday, April 07, 2008

I seriously have lost my interest in blogging but oh wells, blogging helps to keep me occupied at work.

So how's work? Work's fun. Great colleagues around, no stresses, easy job, easy money and also plenty of free time. There's nothing much to do at work anw. To save me from boredom, BF always accompany me online when he's free. :) My in-charge approached me just now and ask whether I'll be available for a longer period as they may want to extend my temperory contract till July instead of June. Obviously I'm happpy upon hearing that as previously, I was afraid that they will terminate my contract pretty soon since I have nothing much to do at work. But but but, I would rather pray that they'll offer me a full time position instead of just extending my contract. Haha. Well, let's just wait and go with the flow.

How's life then? Life's been great. No more stresses, no more arguments, no more worries. I've never felt better. :) BF is always there to support me and he never fails to irritate me. But too bad BF hasnt been spending much time with me as his assessment is due pretty soon. 2 more weeks right love? All the best. :P Have fun sketching all your animal friends. Haha.

Ouh, I miss my Boyfriend and his kental messages and his make-me-blush singings. Hehe.

My weekends were pretty occupied too. Saturday was a day out with the girls for Dell's birthday bash while Sunday was a day out with the family to JB.

Although Dell's birthday party did not really go according to plan, we girls had lotsa fun. We met about 2 hours earlier to find a suitable spot at the Botanical Gardens before fetching the birthday girl at town. Well we dint manage to find a suitable spot as we were attacked by ants as soon as we settled down to eat, and the weather wasnt on our side too. Haha luckily the birthday girl wasnt there. Dell was blindfolded from Town to Botanical Garden. Because of that, it took Fiza n Nurul ages to reach the Botanical Garden. In the meantime, Aisha and me have to shift to a better spot since it was starting to rain. So we sat at the shelter eating, talking, laughing and camwhoring.

When evening came, we had another surprise for her. So Fiza, Dell and I went for a walk. Well i couldnt tahan my bladder so I needed the toilet urgently. The toilet was really far from our shelter. When we went off, the place was still bright, but when we went out of the toilet, it was really dark. So we got lost in the BG. Thanks to Fiza and Dell, we ran all over the place as they suddenly scream for no reason. Haha. Here are the photos from Nurul's camera.

Looking forward for our next date girls! *grins*

Labels: Life, Random, Se7en

4/03/2008 09:37:00 AM, Thursday, April 03, 2008

I read through all my past entries. I realised how kental I was previously (in terms of dressing & blogging) , I remembered the happy times I shared with Him, the bad times we went through and I also realised that I've tolerated with his attitude for sooooo long. I'm glad that everythings over although it was heartbreaking. A 5 years relationship which ended just like that. Everything seems so dramatic, the huge quarrel on my birthday, the endless tears, the endless arguments. Like I've always say, "Things change, feelings change & people change." But I'm glad i found someone who was there to guide me through and I'm happy that he is still here. Let bygones be bygones. Let that be an experience to be gained.

Now, I've open a new chapter, a new life with a new boyfriend and a new me. Memories shall be kept aside. I will never let it ruin my life again cause I know, its not worth it.

Love,
Miszila