An Abstract of Her Life.

5/14/2006 08:39:00 PM, Sunday, May 14, 2006

Happy Mothers' day mommy!
thnx for tolerating wif us the devils. :)

5/11/2006 09:57:00 PM, Thursday, May 11, 2006

i miss the old him.
i tired of crying.
the bus ride was n awful one. :(
its true people changed.

i hate my current life.

5/11/2006 10:23:00 AM,

hate him hate him hate him hate him hate him!
took my 2hrs flexi leave today in hope that i could meet him.
he dint even give a shit about it!
is it difficult to meet ur gerl twice a week?
u meet u friends everyday n u can even spent some time for me?
extra lessons after sch wenn u juz started schooling n havent even started studying?!
extra lessons my foot!! u can lepak wif ur frens everyday after sch n u cant even meet me for a while?!
thank you so much.
im so hating u.
i hate it wen u start schooling coz u always seems kemarok with ur friends. OBSESSED!
i think there's a screw loose in ur head.
want me to help u fix that using the fabric glue u bought me??!!

told him i want to go to Bras Basah later after sch. HE DINT EVEN OFFER TO TEMAN ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHICH IS SO UNLIKE HIM!!!!!!!!!!! n he asked me to bring a friend along.
erm HELLO! since wen i ever go out wif my frens?! since wen i ever ask a friend along?! erghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wat u asses did to him???!!!!!!!!!!
wake up taufik wake up!!

pissed.

5/09/2006 09:06:00 AM, Tuesday, May 09, 2006

i'm feeling down for the pass few days/weeks.
unsure of the reason y.
everysince he started schooling, i'm always filled wif fear.
fear that i'll loose grip on him.
fear that he'll change, which he already did.
fear that he'll b taken away from me.
fear that he's spending more time with his friends compared to spending more time with me.
fear that the same thing will happen again.

what if that Xiaoling incident happen again?
what if that Badminton girl incident happen again?
what if that Girl who emailed him incident happen again?
what if what if what if...

he's good at lying but too bad, im much better in lying.
i can "see thru" all his lies coz i'm a liar myself.
this makes me difficult to trust him.
even coming to 3 years, i still couldnt give him my trust.

now no more offering to pick me up from school.
everyday, lepak with friends.
morning friends, afternoon friends, evening also friends. even on the phone also talk about friends.
when go out, my friend use this shoes, that shoes that cap this baju this bag. this n that n this n that.
it is even difficult to reply one sms which took lesser than a min to type.
ni baru 1week 2days skola, if 2years??! i think he wont even give a damn bout me.

because of this i cry almost everynite. i juz feel like crying.
let go all of my feelings... when this happens, i juz wish everything was as per normal again.
when my feelings are distraught, i'll tend to think bout other stuff, someone else..
my imagination will run wild.. i dun show people my sadness, but i show them thru anger.
when i'm sad, i'll tend to b temperamental.

i dun like telling people bout my feelings. i dun share wif others my problems.
i rather keep them deep inside me. even dear dint noe bout this but only this place is where i can let my feelings go..

obviously, i wont give up on this relationship juz bcoz of these problems.
i still wanna c how far i can go wif u. how far i can take all these things n how far will u tolerate my behaviour.

muhammad taufik,u are missed..

much loove, miszila